Fait Accompli

Some of the funniest memories that I have from elementary school were the threats of our fellow classmates. It usually went something like this.

Hey, watch yourself. I've got a brother in 8th grade.
So? I got a brother in, like, 13th grade. He can totally beat up your brother.

Well now we are all done with high school and will soon be moving on 13th grade. Unfortunately I don't have a younger sibling who can brag about me.

Graduation was definitely a blast. It began with Kyle Kernan serenading us before the ceremony and ended with me driving home from Operation Graduation as the sun was rising. Both the ceremony and the graduation party were very well done and professional, despite my best efforts. My favorite part by far was delivering my graduation speech. Prior to graduation, I had many scattered and inappropriate ideas for the speech. As it turned out, I never handed a copy in for review by the administration until I got an "urgent" phone call from the principal's secretary the day before graduation. Luckily, it was pretty clean and I think everything worked out well. I got some ink in the Hartford Courant, plus I got to bash President Bush / President Schneider.

Left-click here for the full speech

Hi. My name is Colby Chiang. As this is your salutatory address, let me begin by “saluting,” or welcoming everyone. Good evening, bonsoir, guten Tag, nie hao, and graap ma’Amok click. That last one was for any Klingons who might be in the building. Before I begin, I’d like to thank Dr. Wood, Mrs. Czajkowski, Dr. Wlodarczyk, the board of education members, Dr. DiIorio, Mrs. Benoit, Ms. Biggs, Mr. Barry, my guidance counselor: Mrs. Stone, and all of the faculty, students, and parents who made our journey through high school meaningful and enjoyable.

“What a long, strange trip it’s been.”¹ After spending at least four, and up to twelve years of school with each of you, I’ve learned many things about this class. I know who you hang out with, I know what you order for lunch, I know what your favorite sports team is … and I even know where you sleep. I’m just kidding about that last one. Not really. Ok, anyways, what I’m trying to say is, I’ve gotten to know this class very well over the past four years, and one major lesson that I’ve learned is that all people can be accurately stereotyped into their respective groups. Our own high school has its fair share of these factions, and before you all go off to college or other pursuits, I want to remind you of the stereotypes that make this school so special.

The Cool Kids: These are the people who everyone wants to be. They survive on a diet of MTV and the latest energy drink. They drive new cars, wear the trendiest clothes, and they have sexy tans year-round. The Cool Kids typically inhabit the center aisle of the cafeteria, and they will fiercely protect this territory by chucking food at any insubordinate underclassmen.

The Nerds: You can easily recognize a nerd by the USB flash drive he has hanging from his keychain. The Nerds arrive to school especially early, so as not to miss any classes, and they often congregate in the library. They’ll be solving Rubik’s cubes, programming their calculators, or trying to sell you some illicit drug called “PHP.” If you don’t get that joke, ask a nerd. Stay away from these kids, or you might find yourself stuffed in a locker. …By the way, there’s a Magic Card booster draft going on this weekend right? Ten o’clock? Alright see you there.

The Loners: You might not know the loners. You might have only heard of them. They might be sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria or crocheting a scarf in your math class. They might ride their bike or the bus to school. The Loners are the kids who need to be dragged onto the dance floor, and then bolt at the last note of the song. These are the people who taught us not to give a hoot what others think of us.

The Music Geeks: I’m convinced that the chorus and band kids live in this school. They are always coming in early in the morning or staying late at night to rehearse a play, a concert, or a musical. If you’re ever down on your luck, just ask one of these students to sing you a tune or dance for you. Just don’t remind them that Ruben Studdard indeed deserved to defeat Clay Aiken to win the “American Idol” competition.

The Rebels: The rebels can be found before and after school, but never in between. They generally populate the student parking lot, and I’m told that they are the reason that the bathrooms in our school are always locked. The Rebels were the ones who advocated for cheaper parking, and boycotted the school’s new tardy policy. Without them, some of the administration might have to be fired for lack of work.

Each one of these groups is unique, and each one brings something special to South Windsor High School. They all taught me valuable and unforgettable lessons that encapsulate the wisdom of high school. The Cool Kids taught me the importance of influential friends. From them I learned that even if you are the biggest loser around, with the right friends, you can become successful, and maybe even become the president. The Nerds taught me that good grades are not equivalent to real knowledge. Some of the smartest people I know are not speaking here today. Don’t let the pursuit of good grades overshadow the pursuit of an education. The Loners are the kids who saw through the farce of the high school game. They clearly knew the answer to life, the universe, and everything,² but refused to enlighten the rest of us. After the ceremony I’ll be sure to obtain their secrets from them. The Music Geeks showed me the importance of having passion for one thing in life, and following that passion as far as it may take us. And the Rebels showed me that a little bit of dissent is often the only way to accomplish change in this world.

But whether you were a Cool Kid, a Nerd, a Loner, a Music Geek, a Rebel, or some sort of strange being that can’t be easily stereotyped by Newsweek magazine, we all made it through these years together. Four years ago, we were thrown into the cauldron of high school, and we were tempered by new experiences and lasting friendships. We taught each other, and we learned from each other. We emerged from this journey as a unified body, equipped with the accumulation of all of our knowledge and experiences. At the end, we find that we are all at once a Cool Kid, a Nerd, a Loner, a Music Geek, and a Rebel.³ United by this very togetherness, that I now realize has been there all along, we sat through the fockey games, the zebra stories, and the cat dissections. We made it through good times, like the when the Red Sox won the World Series, and we made it through bad times, like when they ran out of applesauce in the cafeteria. We made it through 9/11, hurricanes, and a war. But most importantly, we all made it, and we made it together. Congratulations to the class of 2006, and I’ll see you on the other side.

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¹: Grateful Dead
²: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
³: Breakfast Club

At Operation Graduation I was hypnotized. This worked out very well for me since it gave me a perfect opportunity to do some things that I have always dreamed of, like giving lapdances to Marra and Budarz. Good times.